Current State of Mind: Happy.
“Well, Judge Sotomayor didn’t get where she is being disabled.” This is what a so-called “top” Endocrinologist, specializing in treating Type 1 Diabetics exclusively, like myself, said to me back in 2012. His ignorant comment made me feel horrible, like I shouldn’t ask for help, I am weak. I am over-reacting. Having read that Judge of The Supreme Court, Sonia Sotomayor (& Type 1 Diabetic), was one of this Doctor’s patients,I didn’t hesitate to make an appointment with him at UCLA, believing he must be great at what he does. Maybe he is, but compassion certainly didn’t seem to be one of his strengths.
I should have had it all & felt great, but, instead, that timeframe was proving to be one of the most difficult in my life for me. I was financially secure, living on my own, had great friends & so on. But, pardon my french, I felt like absolute shit & decided it was time I seek medical help; I have always been one to self-medicate, diagnose, but I knew I needed some guidance. Lab work from a local, (& kind) Doctor had just come back with positive results for Lupus. I felt incapable of working, functioning. Asking this Endo’s opinion on my going on disability is what led to that comment. Yes, maybe some diabetics can get through life without taking advantage of the “Disabled” title, but, me, at that point, felt like I could not; Type 1 Diabetes, Depression, Anxiety and Lupus? I felt overwhelmed. And scared.
Fast forward to now, over 3 years later, I am proud to say I am doing much better, & never would have dreamed of whats gone on in my life, or that I would feel up to it all. Yes, I still have my down days, but I take an anti-depressant that has worked wonders on my mental state, I proudly say any chance I get that I have a family of my own; my boyfriend, Mike, & our dog, Hammy. We will be moving into our home together by end of this month & I will be another year older this Sunday. Birthdays used to depress me a bit; when I was younger, as lame as it sounds, I didn’t have many friends & just spent my day on my own (I even went to Disneyland by myself one year–I know…), usually moping that I wish I had someone to share my life with, to drink wine & eat dinner with while watching Star Trek. Not too much to ask for, right? Well, as I am sure everyone can understand that those wishes seemed like the hardest things to obtain. I have those dreams as my reality now, & it truly is the greatest feeling.
Writing, & the opportunities on this blog, continue to keep me happy & going, too.
So, my current state of mind? So blessed. So thankful. So happy!
How are you, out there, doing? xo