Lets Talk About Depression.

This is not going to be an easy post to write. Nor will it be my usual cheery style of sharing something great with you. Instead, I want to tell you more about suffering from depression and  bring this sometimes dirty-little-secret word out of the dark.

I suffer from major depression with acute anxiety. Overall, I am a happy, functioning, able person whom on most days loves to be out and about, feeling good about life. But, then, out of the blue. I feel it come on. Horrible feelings of despair and hopelessness. I don’t want to tell anyone, because I feel so ashamed and scared they will not like me when that’s the real me for the day. I have had episodes of literally sitting in my car being immobile to drive to my destination.

A friendly face or someone looking at me will make me burst into tears. I have insecurities and sometimes low self-esteem that just blows through the roof on these days. My thoughts feel like they’re going to drown me as I sit or attempt to go about my business yet I feel like I am crashing inside. I feel as small as a bug in such a huge world.

The entire time, I am well aware that I really have nothing to be concerned about, yet reassuring myself does crap. I feel so crazy to feel so down. I try to think of recent days that I felt great, but then get even more scared as I fear those days might be over.

Then, poof. As quickly as these episodes come, they will disappear and I still feel so ashamed that I overreacted over something. For the first time in my life, I am trying to be more open on these days as my Boyfriend has seen me like this. Crying & telling him my fears does indeed seem to help the moods subside, but my insecurities remain as it’s still difficult for me to show that part of me. Michael has been reminding me not to hide who I am or pretend.

I used to want to go days where I would not want to leave my house. I also get scared sometimes before something fun, as I will freak out if I don’t feel in control; worried if an activity might run long yet I need to get out of a perfectly fine situation, I will be there, silently suffering or worried I might get overly nervous.

For some, depression & anxiety is triggered or begins after an event. For me, I feel I was born with these tendencies; perhaps inherited them. I also have Type 1 Diabetes and Rheumatoid Arthritis, which has caused me some very physically challenging days. If that’s going on, I usually get drowned in my fears.

Besides from my Boyfriend, my Mom is always ALWAYS amazing to me when I am having a rough time, so are my friends. While some are aware I have these issues, they may not realize I am knee-deep in an attack when I am with them or chatting on-line; keeping myself surrounded by loving people saves me.

Too many of us suffer in silence, though. Lets change that. Here are some other resources:

Get more info on depression here: http://bit.ly/1aUOyOZ
Write a blog post sharing your personal experience of depression and/or share resources to help others.

xo

10 Comments

  1. Cynthia

    February 5, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    Thanks for sharing and helping others feel “normal.” You are stronger than you think for sharing your story. #DayOfLight

    1. AlongComesMary

      February 5, 2014 at 6:09 pm

      Thank you so much Cynthia<3

  2. Carolyn West

    February 5, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    Mary, thank you for sharing this. I know how hard it is sometimes to really put yourself out there. I honestly don’t know anyone who hasn’t been through some kind of depression at one time or another. It’s one of those things we just never talk about. Time to start.

    1. AlongComesMary

      February 5, 2014 at 6:09 pm

      Thank you Carolyn. That is such a great point; I think we all go through tough times & often forget its ok!<3

  3. Susan Cooper

    February 6, 2014 at 8:11 am

    Mental Illness of any form should be discussed. It is something that so many people struggle with. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    1. AlongComesMary

      February 8, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      A friend years ago told me the same thing, & that its no different than treating a physical condition. Strange how we all seem very similar with our mental struggles. Thank you for reading!:)

  4. Jamie

    February 7, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    <3 ya girl. It's sad that we have to hide behind this so much in life. Thanks for speaking out.

    xoxo

    1. AlongComesMary

      February 8, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      xoxo!

  5. Anastasia

    February 8, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Thank you for being brave and sharing this post! I wish I would have seen this on the 5th, so I could share my story as well. This makes me feel so much better because your story is mirror image to mine as well. Like this week has been so bad for me, and I feel just powerless and ashamed for felling this way, because I cannot understand why I do.

    1. AlongComesMary

      February 8, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      Stac, I had NO idea girl <3 Would love to talk more with you about your experiences <3 xoxo

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