Gluten Free, Life

Letting Go.

And I can almost out run you
and those stalking memories
did I somehow become you
without realizing
found a little patch of heaven now
so then I’m gonna turn oysters in the sand

Above, is the chorus from one of my favorite new songs from Tori Amos, Oysters. Before I even heard the track, I read a quote from her explaining that the lyrics express the negativity & thoughts from your past continuing to rule your life, despite where you may be at now.

I knew then & there, Oysters would be a good friend of mine.

As I have discussed on the blog before, I often suffer from depression & anxiety. My life truly could not be more better or content (remember that post?) right now, yet, moments out of my control still manage to crawl their way into my psyche & try to bring me down.

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Often, maybe too much, I chalk a lot of these feelings up to my medical conditions, especially my Diabetes. Everyday, studies are coming up that un-controlled blood sugar levels can cause mood swings similar to those of Bipolar disorder. This is not to say Diabetics like myself are not controlling their ranges as best can be; my last A1c, which is a blood test indicating your overall control for the past 2-3 months, came back good.

Despite those struggles & moments of burn out, I do not want to be a burden to those I love & who love me so unconditionally; although it’s not even been a year together yet, my boyfriend continues to remind me each day that it is ok to be who I am, even when I do not like who that person may be. I should have nothing but great, new memories collected in my mind, but, as the song sings, “stalking memories” creep up on me at times, ready to bring me down.

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I want to let go of such recollections, simply enjoy my life & be in the moment, because the next is not promised. Why do so many of us allow the bad to outweigh the good? Is it a never-ending path to be happy?

It’s scary to feel like I can be myself no matter what, & I have my boyfriend (as well as my friends & family), on my side. I get scared of losing them because I do not always remember to celebrate now, which is awesome.

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My boyfriend has become one of my biggest cheerleaders. When I get discouraged about something, like making new adventures reality for the blog, he says I am doing it & to keep at it. I nearly want to cry I suck so much at video games, but he thinks not. He tells me not to say “Sorry” when I am over reacting to things. I suppose, this is an open letter to him & all those on my side. On that note, I have two words to say:

Thank you.

I would love your advice & thoughts on this. Can you relate? What helps get you through when you feel like a downer or unworthy of such love & support?

Thank you for listening! xoxo

(All pictures courtesy of Pinterest.)

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  1. Michael Farah

    June 24, 2014 at 7:43 am

    I’ll always be there for you and believe in you! <3

    1. AlongComesMary

      June 24, 2014 at 8:01 am

      I love you <3

  2. Cid (@CidStyleFile)

    June 24, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    Mary I think this is an issue many people, including me struggle with so you are not alone. I to have had moments where I want to give up on many things and even my blog. It’s a struggle on a daily basis, but I have learned to focus on the present and not on the past or even the future, just where I am now and enjoy it. It’s a blessing to have people to love you and support you, just keep telling yourself you are loved and deserve everything great that comes to you.

    1. AlongComesMary

      June 24, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Thank you SO much, Cid <3 xoxo

  3. Susan Cooper

    June 24, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    You are such an inspiration to your readers. It is so easy to get sucked into anxiety and depression and you have “risen” above it as the picture so perfectly describes. Good job my friend and remember that life is never easy but most certainly worth the ride. 🙂

    1. AlongComesMary

      June 24, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      Thank you SO much, Susan! I always feel better after I decide to share how I am really feeling on the blog 🙂

  4. Pat

    June 25, 2014 at 9:52 am

    I can relate, Mary, and so proud of you for sharing opening and being vulnerable. I understand when you say the old keeps creeping back in your thoughts and life making you doubt. I’ve had that happen many times and wondered, Why is that?

    I wrote a post of one of my experiences (“Letting Go of Love Lane”) where I had to face the old whether I wanted to or not. Thankfully, I was brought out on the other side supernaturally.

    More recently, I’ve been reading a book (“The Presence Process” by Michael Brown) that has helped me a lot in understanding. It has to do with how we’ve been imprinted energetically in our childhood. Makes sense for me in the triggers and same old things showing up.

    I hope this helps and sending you hugs and encouragement to keep on doing what you’re doing picking away at it. You’ll find the answers and love that you have great support with your family and boyfriend.

    1. AlongComesMary

      June 25, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      This means so much to me, Pat. Thank you! I am always looking for good books to read & these sound perfect. I also find comfort whenever I share a more vulnerable post; I am quickly reminded that I am not alone & get such strength from comments like yours 🙂

      Hope all is well for you. xoxo

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